Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
