He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
