i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Enjoy the penises
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize