i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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