He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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