so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
