Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize