He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
