he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
