how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize