i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
