Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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