I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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