Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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