I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize