I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
