i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize