Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
