i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
