i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize