Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
