sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
