Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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