It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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