Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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