Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
