Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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