Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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