It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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