you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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