First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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