am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize