is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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