Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
