he was CRYING into my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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