oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
