Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
