Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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