She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
