Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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