I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
