She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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