My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
