The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
