Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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