the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize