mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize