she smelled like a LAN party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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