The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
