My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have feelings that need drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
