just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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