i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
