no, he came in my armpit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
