I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
