I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
