And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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