I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
