Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
