Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
