you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
