i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
