Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
