you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
