I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize