You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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