it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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