So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
