wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
