I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
