Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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