Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
