Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
