Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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