Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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