Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
