Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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