Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
