so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forgot wine drunk hurts
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
