ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sober January is a disaster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
