He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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