I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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