you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
