i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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