when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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