So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
