oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
