have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
