i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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