just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
