Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
