I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
