After last night, I could never be a politician.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize