Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize