Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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