I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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