I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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