She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
