I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Farmville is her only friend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
