You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize