I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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