I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
