Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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