Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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