Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
