Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
