So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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