I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
