halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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