i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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