does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
