Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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