she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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