maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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